Womens-Place

Why?????

Wow, sometimes I have to sit back and take a deep breath and wonder how in the world did I get to this place in my life?  By all means I think where I am at now is amazing and I am so thankful to be here.  Sometimes I cringe at how I had to get to this place, but woah…all the things that I had to endure is made me who I am today. Yeah…changing things, wishing things didn’t happen…those are all things that I think of, but thinking of things in the past can’t change them…but they can change the future. I know this, as I have experienced it. From the extreme of losing my 16 yr old son Christopher 5 yrs ago, to having my 5 yr old endure 21 brain surgeries and 18 of them were in a few months…too my medical issues that came out of no where.  Broken knees, wrists, foot, ribs, collar bone, being severely electrocuted, bone cyst that needed to be drilled and a bone graft. Just little things…that if your not in your right mind…standing strong and not taking this as a personal attack, woah man…you could get your tooshy kicked. You could get depressed EASILY.

There comes a time in all of our lives that we will need to stop and sit back and recap on where we have been, what we have done, who we have encountered…then the two other ones that I think that are important are the When and Why.

When will you sit back and recap all the situations and not try to change history.  What is in the past is history, and it cannot be changed. You need to look at it and see what you can learn from it. What you can teach to others from it and what memory that you can dissect from it and savor it to bring you joy.

A lot of times we ask “why”…I hated this when Chris died…I asked a million times why…over and over and over again.  It is so okay to ask why. It is human nature.  I will just warn you now…there is no real answer to “why” and if someone gives you an answer…run fast from them.  We do not know why things happen. God knows, but we do not know. I mean yeah, there is a difference to, like you are speeding down the road and you get a freaking ticket….ummm durrrrr …you got a ticket for speeding. So, yes that is an answered question to a why. So that is not type of “why” question I am talking about.

What I am talking about is a woman miscarries her baby,why?

My Son took his life, why?

My mom died,why?

My baby was born still, why?

My daughter has 21 brain surgeries,why?

I had 13 miscarriages, why?

These things above are so hard to answer. WHY? I want to know WHY?  You can’t give an honest answer to these why questions. If people would stop trying to do that and just be honest and say “I do not know” many people would be better off. But people have to muster up a ton of themselves, or misquoted scriptures from the bible, or say it was meant to be…oh Lord have mercy…

What I have done with all of my mishaps, tragedies, heartbreaks…you name it…instead of giving up, I swore I would rise above that pain and take what ever situation it was and ask God to use me to help someone else. Sounds crazy but every time I have…God has brought someone or something my way to share my stories too and in the midst of that healing of broken hearts have come out of that.

I guess the point I am trying to make is no matter how bad it gets…it will get better. No matter how closed off you feel at least you know I am right here, willing and able to listen. Never lose hope. Never give up. The fight in you is strong and ready to rumble!