Womens-Place

Rest? You Said NO What???

What do you do when you feel like you have done everything you know to do and still find yourself in the same battle?  I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking the same thing.

Right now I am waiting to hear from my husband who is driving my daughter Grace to the hospital which is three hours away for a shunt  malfunction after surgery four days ago. She may have an infection which is so dangerous as her shunt goes to her heart.

She has had a shunt since birth and has had twenty-two surgeries.  So, back to my question; what is one to do when we feel like we keep going in circles in a certain situation? I honestly do not know. HOWEVER, I can tell you what I have learned and what works for me.  I cannot walk in fear.  Know matter what comes my way fear can’t be an option.  Yes, I am scared for my daughter and her health.  But it is not an unhealthy fear.  I am not so bound by this fear I cannot move and be productive.  I fight in prayer for her.  I reassure her she is strong, brave and courageous.  She knows this. I remind her of what a miracle she is and how she is going to touch the world.  That God loves her and she has done NOTHING wrong for this to happen.

Another thing I do is ask for help from friends.  Prayer works.  Whether you believe it or not.  Good thoughts, prayer, what ever you want to call it, I believe in it.

Sometimes we do not need to battle so hard.  Sometimes we need to just trust.  The battle has been won.  Sometimes we need to sit and bask in knowing that He is God and rest at His feet.  It is easier said then done.  I know this.  When it is your child your heart breaks in two.  You want to move heaven and hell to make it all stop for them, believe me I know! It does not even have to be a life threatening illness…it can be a child with ADHD and you can mourn over that.

As a parent we face so much with our children.  We never get instructions on how we should cope, feel, act and talk to them in any situations.  It is not possible to have an instruction booklet due to the fact that not one single child will ever fit one set of instructions.  Life should be that simple.  The only instruction I have that I have learned is a parent should NEVER have guilt.  Yes, you can be sorry, yes you will say you are sorry and yes, you will mess up…BUT you may never have guilt. If you have guilt and you keep that guilt you will destroy yourself and eventually you will hit a tailspin.  Guilt does nothing for you.  Guilt will get you nothing but depression and more guilt.  I have been there and done that too.

Tonight I sit here and I was on the verge of the guilt trip…I was thinking: should I have let Grace do this?  Or that or… and on and on and on…until I realized what I was doing.  I had to stop myself and say out loud “NO”  I nipped it as soon as I realizes what I was doing.  By doing this I was able to calmly talk with Grace who was in hysterics about leaving home again.  Sobbing over the thought of leaving mommy.  Sobbing over the thought of IV’s and shunt taps.  Sobbing over missing her family.  I was able to have her at peace and smiling before we packed her up with daddy on her way.  Mission accomplished.

THEN, I went in the house…cried for my darling Gracie and pulled it together and cooked dinner and got all my kids settled and calmed down.  Reignah and Beccah were a mess.  Once we were all settled I reassured everyone that we need to pray.  Everyone is now sleeping except the two oldest.  Everyone is resting.

So remember breath…it is hard to remain calm, focused in the time of craziness.  I am sure I am going to read my own blog here a million times in the next few days.  You might even see a comment from me to me, lol