Womens-Place

What do you do when you feel like you have done everything you know to do and still find yourself in the same battle?  I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking the same thing.

Right now I am waiting to hear from my husband who is driving my daughter Grace to the hospital which is three hours away for a shunt  malfunction after surgery four days ago. She may have an infection which is so dangerous as her shunt goes to her heart.

She has had a shunt since birth and has had twenty-two surgeries.  So, back to my question; what is one to do when we feel like we keep going in circles in a certain situation? I honestly do not know. HOWEVER, I can tell you what I have learned and what works for me.  I cannot walk in fear.  Know matter what comes my way fear can’t be an option.  Yes, I am scared for my daughter and her health.  But it is not an unhealthy fear.  I am not so bound by this fear I cannot move and be productive.  I fight in prayer for her.  I reassure her she is strong, brave and courageous.  She knows this. I remind her of what a miracle she is and how she is going to touch the world.  That God loves her and she has done NOTHING wrong for this to happen.

Another thing I do is ask for help from friends.  Prayer works.  Whether you believe it or not.  Good thoughts, prayer, what ever you want to call it, I believe in it.

Sometimes we do not need to battle so hard.  Sometimes we need to just trust.  The battle has been won.  Sometimes we need to sit and bask in knowing that He is God and rest at His feet.  It is easier said then done.  I know this.  When it is your child your heart breaks in two.  You want to move heaven and hell to make it all stop for them, believe me I know! It does not even have to be a life threatening illness…it can be a child with ADHD and you can mourn over that.

As a parent we face so much with our children.  We never get instructions on how we should cope, feel, act and talk to them in any situations.  It is not possible to have an instruction booklet due to the fact that not one single child will ever fit one set of instructions.  Life should be that simple.  The only instruction I have that I have learned is a parent should NEVER have guilt.  Yes, you can be sorry, yes you will say you are sorry and yes, you will mess up…BUT you may never have guilt. If you have guilt and you keep that guilt you will destroy yourself and eventually you will hit a tailspin.  Guilt does nothing for you.  Guilt will get you nothing but depression and more guilt.  I have been there and done that too.

Tonight I sit here and I was on the verge of the guilt trip…I was thinking: should I have let Grace do this?  Or that or… and on and on and on…until I realized what I was doing.  I had to stop myself and say out loud “NO”  I nipped it as soon as I realizes what I was doing.  By doing this I was able to calmly talk with Grace who was in hysterics about leaving home again.  Sobbing over the thought of leaving mommy.  Sobbing over the thought of IV’s and shunt taps.  Sobbing over missing her family.  I was able to have her at peace and smiling before we packed her up with daddy on her way.  Mission accomplished.

THEN, I went in the house…cried for my darling Gracie and pulled it together and cooked dinner and got all my kids settled and calmed down.  Reignah and Beccah were a mess.  Once we were all settled I reassured everyone that we need to pray.  Everyone is now sleeping except the two oldest.  Everyone is resting.

So remember breath…it is hard to remain calm, focused in the time of craziness.  I am sure I am going to read my own blog here a million times in the next few days.  You might even see a comment from me to me, lol

I sit here tonight just reflecting on life in the past few years that Womens-Place has been up and running.  I think about how many women have been a part of our home on the web.  I remember when I first got the notion to start W-P.  My husband was so supportive.  He help me from the get go.  He knew I was very passionate about creating a place for women to just come and have a place to be who they needed to be.  With the help of a wonderful editorial team which you can read about on the blog under About W-P Admins and W-P: A Story About Us. These two links will let you know how we came to be.  Please visit them and read about some of the amazing women who have blessed my life beyond my wildest dreams!

I think what I want to convey, is the depth of the relationships I have formed at W-P.  Even though it is the “web” relationships are birth and we have formed bonds stronger than some in real life friendships.   Some of these friendships have led some of us to get together in real life and spend days together more than once.  Not just the women but our whole families.  Our web site has formed strong bonds that I am thankful for.

In times of tragedy my website reached out to me when my son died 5 years ago in May, at the age of sixteen.  They went above and beyond to carry me and my family for a long time.  They took over the website and ran it until I could emotionally handle the load again. Not only do they reach out in the time of devastation…but also in the time in joy!  This just does not apply to me but to our whole community. It is like when one of us is hurting we all hurt. When one is rejoicing we all rejoice.

Womens-Place has been also able to help other women by raising money to help moms go back to school.  We have raised money within our own community and then gave a scholarship to a woman in need.  We take pride in making sure that our site is doing something to help other women make a mark in their part of the world!  It is important to make a mark in the world!  What better way than to help someone reach for her dream!

If you have not checked us out or spent much time on W-P, I encourage you to join us and let us leave a mark on your heart.  You will not regret it.

I am thankful to all the women who have touch my life in many ways. I can never thank you all enough. I was reading through some older posts and was sitting there with tears in my eyes as I read them.    This is what prompted me to write this blog tonight.

I would like to leave you with the following quote below:

He has taken his bright candle into another room I cannot find, but anyone can tell where he has been by all the little lights he left behind.”

Unknown

When my daughter Reignah Joy was born she came out screaming…she was this little peanut, just gorgeous; with great big lungs.   I remember the day like it was yesterday.  When we had to stay a few days in the hospital with her birth-mother Reignah was such a quiet content baby. She laid on Tim’s chest so peacefully. I remember thinking she was going to be quiet and a lot like Tim.

Fast forward a few years.  Reignah Joy starts talking…the more she learns to talk the more I realize she is not a quiet child and not like Tim at all.  Yes, she has a very tender spirit which is so true of her daddy.  However, she is a full blown spunky, sure of herself, tells you like it is and holds nothing back, honest, rock-on kind of kid.

My birthday was in January and Reignah Joy asked me how old I was.  Being the way cool mom that I am and being a bit naughty and, well… bad… said thirty.  (yes, I lied) I am actually forty-one, Reignah Joy actually exclaimed I was smoking hot. Woah…I like  this kid.  She seems to have a fetish with this. So she goes to Tim and asks him how old he is and he says thirty-seven. (this is the truth) Men are so honest about this age stuff.  She calls him an old man. Gosh I am now loving her to the moon and back now.

This age questioning is now carrying over to the bus driver Mrs. Patterson.  The other day she told Mrs “P” my mom is thirty and she is smoking hot.  Well first off, Mrs “P” knows I am NOT thirty and she knows Reignah Joy is spunky and has been known to break out into a wild dance hip-hop routine in the morning for all the kids on the bus to pump things up and get the ride to school started.  So after multiple days of Reignah telling the bus driver my mom is hot, Mrs. Patterson caves and finally declares to all the kids on the bus she is FIFTY-FIVE.  Reignah was like WOAH, thats OLD.  Holding nothing back. Reminding her sweet bus driver that is totally in love with our whole family and buses all of our kids since we have moved here.

So today I took all the other kids shopping at Target and of course Reignah is on a roll just cracking jokes and talking about books that she wants to buy when we get to target. Then the age thing starts in. Wanting to know why people get gray hair when they get old and does that mean they are really old?   So now I am trying to redirect at this point and get her into the store.  We get in there and we are getting books…and she picks up a Junie B Jones book. Reignah Joy is an avid reader and has just turned six on the 19th of March.  She reads great. This is a chapter book and a hard book to read but she is determined so we are encouraging her to do it and I tell you what we are in shock at how well she does. (oops just had to brag) Anyhow…we leave Target we are driving home and all of a sudden Reignah Joy SCREAMS really loud “Oh my gosh mommy! Mrs. Patterson is as old as the speed limit sign, not only is she old cause she is 55 but she is also fast!”

I am so going to tell Mrs. Patterson what she said when spring break is over. I  love this kid. I love that she has spunk, personality  and tenacity.  She may need some refining and some  fine tuning…BUT I know this  little one is strong, she is vivacious and not afraid of anything. God knew she was ours and GOD knew we were hers.

The oddest thing…Tim thinks she is a lot like me??? I am not sure why he thinks that? Hmmmm?

Sometimes I sit and wonder with amazement watching my children as they embark on different journeys they take on in everyday life.  The other day all of my kids were in our one room with 15 or so cardboard boxes. Crayons, scissors and markers were pulled out and creations began to unfold. This went on for hours. No fighting, no nothing but pure fun and total bliss. They were basking in the joy of each others company and their siblings art. They made so many great things. No cares or worries.

As I moved to another room I just reflected on how fast that they grow. How wonderful life is with knowing that I see my children happy. Yes, there are times where they have moments where they struggle, where they have illnesses, disabilities and with my eclectic group, different diseases, but that is what makes my family what it is. My family is strong. We have gone through so much as a family it bonds us better than any super glue you can imagine!  There are times where I need to step away and stick myself in time out as I have moments of Eeeks…lol  Nothing is ever going to be perfect, you just cannot have that, that is fake imagination. Unlike what I saw with my children and the boxes.  That was real.

To realize that everyone of my kids have a part of Tim and I in them, excites me. My kids are who they are because of who Tim and I are.

So give yourself a pat on the back today…your kids are little you’s, lol the good and the bad and well…the…(I will let you fill in the rest)

Wow, sometimes I have to sit back and take a deep breath and wonder how in the world did I get to this place in my life?  By all means I think where I am at now is amazing and I am so thankful to be here.  Sometimes I cringe at how I had to get to this place, but woah…all the things that I had to endure is made me who I am today. Yeah…changing things, wishing things didn’t happen…those are all things that I think of, but thinking of things in the past can’t change them…but they can change the future. I know this, as I have experienced it. From the extreme of losing my 16 yr old son Christopher 5 yrs ago, to having my 5 yr old endure 21 brain surgeries and 18 of them were in a few months…too my medical issues that came out of no where.  Broken knees, wrists, foot, ribs, collar bone, being severely electrocuted, bone cyst that needed to be drilled and a bone graft. Just little things…that if your not in your right mind…standing strong and not taking this as a personal attack, woah man…you could get your tooshy kicked. You could get depressed EASILY.

There comes a time in all of our lives that we will need to stop and sit back and recap on where we have been, what we have done, who we have encountered…then the two other ones that I think that are important are the When and Why.

When will you sit back and recap all the situations and not try to change history.  What is in the past is history, and it cannot be changed. You need to look at it and see what you can learn from it. What you can teach to others from it and what memory that you can dissect from it and savor it to bring you joy.

A lot of times we ask “why”…I hated this when Chris died…I asked a million times why…over and over and over again.  It is so okay to ask why. It is human nature.  I will just warn you now…there is no real answer to “why” and if someone gives you an answer…run fast from them.  We do not know why things happen. God knows, but we do not know. I mean yeah, there is a difference to, like you are speeding down the road and you get a freaking ticket….ummm durrrrr …you got a ticket for speeding. So, yes that is an answered question to a why. So that is not type of “why” question I am talking about.

What I am talking about is a woman miscarries her baby,why?

My Son took his life, why?

My mom died,why?

My baby was born still, why?

My daughter has 21 brain surgeries,why?

I had 13 miscarriages, why?

These things above are so hard to answer. WHY? I want to know WHY?  You can’t give an honest answer to these why questions. If people would stop trying to do that and just be honest and say “I do not know” many people would be better off. But people have to muster up a ton of themselves, or misquoted scriptures from the bible, or say it was meant to be…oh Lord have mercy…

What I have done with all of my mishaps, tragedies, heartbreaks…you name it…instead of giving up, I swore I would rise above that pain and take what ever situation it was and ask God to use me to help someone else. Sounds crazy but every time I have…God has brought someone or something my way to share my stories too and in the midst of that healing of broken hearts have come out of that.

I guess the point I am trying to make is no matter how bad it gets…it will get better. No matter how closed off you feel at least you know I am right here, willing and able to listen. Never lose hope. Never give up. The fight in you is strong and ready to rumble!

How in the world can these little girls come to our homes and invade our will power and get us to by oodles of boxes of theses amazing boxed cookies?  They seem to have this trance like ability to have us by at least one box of each and then when we have the favorites we know we buy one for the family and then we end up stashing the extra box for ourselves. I mean at least I admit it.  But this year something INSANE has happened… NO girl scouts came by, no one out side the doors of stores….drooling  began and I was like embarrassed .  So I knew Lynette was selling and so she knew  I was buying…So all the way from Washington State ….well my boxes arrived in  flat rate boxes and it as been a battle!  My boxes are STILL in the original container they were shipped in.  I never knew cookies talked, lol They have a tendency to make one hear things as  ”eat me” you know you want it. So I guess I need to open those original shipping boxes before they go stale on me.  So I will up date you tomorrow when I take the plunge to get to the new cranberry cookies. That will be my trying time, lol I must show control…lol Look at the little serving size and just eat what it says and all will be just fine???

I am not sure about you but recently I have been thinking about simple acts of kindness. Some people call them Random acts of kindness but I like too call them Simple ”SAK’S”  I think too many people think when they hear  these terms the need to spend money. I actually did a poll in an odd kind of way yesterday. When I was at my appointment where I knew most of the people I was with, I posed the question to them and immediately they thought it was more about spending money.  What if they think I am weird.  I kind of was perplexed because I do not think it is not about money.  I would love to pose a challenge to see simple acts of kindness in different ways.  Facebook can be used to send a private message to just letting someone know they were on your mind.  Taking time to pick up the phone takes a few minutes to call… get a voice mail, leave a kind encouraging message.  Maybe send a person a card.  There are so many simple ways to touch some one who  just needs someone to stop for a minute and take a moment to jot down a note, make a call or as simple as posting a note on their face book wall. There really is no excuse NOT to try it.

The whole thing is when we really take our eyes off of ourselves and look at others we will see how blessed we really are. My goal for the last few weeks has been to touch people in ways that make an impact in their lives. Not for me to get  a pat on the back, but to instill the love of God that flows through me.  God gets  the Glory.  They get a seed sown into them… that seed gets watered by someone else… and on  and on that beautiful cycle goes!

Now if you did have a few extra bucks…some great ideas I have found that works well is a home made gift card for a 6 hour babysitting pass.  Another one I have done is a gift card for $5 bucks for Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks.  A simple card that a sent in the mail.

A word and action can bring a smile to a dark and gloomy day…I want to be a light in someones life. I want people to know that just because someone does something kind does not mean we want something back.  I want to be the person who leaves a mark on someones heart that just is remembered for caring and taking the time for being there in a time of need.

Simple acts of kindness should not be difficult…it should be heartfelt…when it is heartfelt it will become second nature…Challenge…be brave, step out of the comfort zone and go SAK some one!

I just wanted to express how thankful I am for my children.  There are so many times as parents we go day to day doing the daily things we do with out thought to our schedules.  Some days seem busier than others and some we might have a few more minutes to sit and take in an extra cup of coffee or an extra minute on the computer.

I think there are so many more minutes in MY day when I can actually engage my children in conversation or a game or even a fun walk outside.  I know in my situation with eight children and extra house guests, tutoring, sports, going to the gym, medical issues with some of my children, medical issues with my mom whom we care for, medical issues with my self there are many days I can say…I cannot do it.  I NEED to be here for my children. What will my children remember when I am gone?  I want to not just leave the a heritage of materialistic items, I want to leave them a heritage that lasts in their hearts and minds. Something that will stay with them forever.  Today as I am preparing for Reignah Joy’s 6th birthday she smiles at me and the hugs me and said today is the day you were my mommy! I said nope today was the day you were my Reignah Joy. That statement wrecked me in a great way.  I love spending time with my children. I love seeing them smile, laugh and scream and going nuts when I pull in the drive way.  I want to make memories. Take every moment I can find and make sure my children know how much I WANT to be around them and let them know that they are NOT a bother. So, I guess the challenge today is find a few more minutes in your crazy schedule above and beyond what you do now and start creating more memories that are going to be told over and over because they will be stored in their hearts and soul until the end of time…

Beauty? Who determines what beauty is? I so hate that society has given us criteria to us women and our girls what we should look like. What weight we should be at, what size we should be. Watching a show last night I was so mad that a young girl was called plus sized at a size TEN! WHAT? Ummm…I wear a size 10 sometimes a 12 and I am feeling pretty darn good. Then I had that sick pit in my stomach that I was fat, needed to lose more weight and workout harder. At 41 years old hearing that almost put me in a freak-out tail spin. Can you imagine what this can do to our younger girls and teens? We need to remind our girls beauty comes from the inside. Beauty is not a size. Beauty is not a certain look. Remind someone today how beautiful they are by an email, call, post, or send a card. I bet someone will be blessed and you might just make a huge change in their thinking!